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Ducks that heal lies

When we get abandoned as a child, or heck, not have the basics from the beginning … shit can end up being really hard at 45.

As a baby, we learn and thrive in acceptance from our parents. They smile when we smile. We coo when they coo. It’s part of human development. The human baby is so immature when it’s born. Darwin. So we aren’t prepared at all for anything. We are freaking smart as a species but oh so fragile.

So it’s one thing to not have enough. The basics. Food. Water. Safety. Smiles. Hugs. I love yous. Family. Toys. Laughs. Our inner self is there, perfect and whole, yet gets covered with how we manage to provide for ourselves. How we mold ourselves into a human that can survive physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually in this world.

For me. I love stuffed animals. That’s really the only toy I remember having besides some GI Joes I threw into an aquarium. This stuffed alligator. He had these cool teeth that were plastic and kind of fun. He lived in the 2nd drawer of my dresser. So today I have Ganesh. The blue eyed elephant. He goes with me everywhere. Even Julie knows to leave him along. Interesting how we … fill our needs.

On a different note, the feelings and emotions of being abandoned are intense. They are very intertwined with the basic needs of being loved and accepted. Feeling safe. Being left behind can bring with it self-doubt, self-judgement and That stupid and oh so destructive belief (lie)

“I am not enough”

“I am not good enough”

“I don’t deserve”

I’m an engineer and a tri coach, not a therapist with all the smart brainiac words. You get the meaning, and if you’ve experienced a parent leaving or a spouse or or or …. you know what I’m talking about. Our brains do this crazy thing of trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. A parent leaving a child. That is not what is suppose to happen, there needs to be some sort of reason right?!

Zip forward a couple of years, 10 years, 20 years … and look where we find all the pieces of ourselves. Flavored by so many lies and bullshit beliefs what the inner self can’t seem to get in a word edgewise.

Oh the things that one puts up with, does not adult well … because of these beliefs (lies).

I’m not blaming anyone. Shit happens. People make mistakes. (I do not buy into “the person was doing the best they could at the time”. I find this a big fat f’in copout. Sometimes people puss out and take the easy way out. Sorry. Not sorry).

It’s unfortunate that our “health care” (“human being care”) system (or lack of one) doesn’t deal with this part well. Lives and careers, families and suicides … all flavored by this. Big fat stupid important stuff and we are doing a shitting job at healing our hearts. I have PLETHORA to say about this but I get off track.

So at 30 or 35 or 40 something, or sooner if you’re lucky, you become aware that … you are so much more. And hopefully you get a tiny taste of the possibility of turning inward, that you ARE NOT actually those beliefs.

YOU ARE AWESOME

and maybe

YOU ARE A BADASS

You know what’s the most BADASS. A mom and dad creating a human being and rocking that sh$t out. Shepherding a tiny human being into being a brilliant and loving human adult. THAT is BA. I had the privilege teaching two littles how to read. That’s BA. Again. I digress. Back to the point. You get a breath of the truth, just one is all you need … YOU ARE A BADASS.

So you get to work on healing the heart. And it’s tough stuff. You might meditate to get control of the emotion terrets. You might even think for a moment that you need to stop saying the f word. You might think you really need to change who you are.

And then you hopefully get to the point where you know that, yes, shit might have been F$CKTASTIC but there is no point in blaming others anymore. You can forgive. I don’t think forgetting is necessary as you ARE suppose to be wiser and that doesn’t mean sitting your head in the sand. It means learning and not repeating the mistakes over and over. EVOLVING. If you forgive, the forgetting part really doesn’t matter, as you aren’t hanging that victim bullshit on it. It’s just another artful paint stroke of the YOU canvas. You don’t have to forget to get back to whole and healed.

YOU ARE ALREADY WHOLE

You just need to drop some of what you picked up to help you get through the bad patch.

You become strong enough to be open and love like you were created to do. People leaving and doing hurtful things IS NOT about you. It’s about them. Their lessons. You have your own. Be wise to know the difference.

I left my duck friends in the care of the earth. As it should be. They will return to nurture the earth, trees and other animals. As it should be. I leave thoughts of my alligator there as well, placing more of my heart in Faith and belief that I’m just completely fucking (autocorrected to ducking) FINE.

Because maybe this nagging lie that I’m broken is total bullshit. #nmf

YOU ARE AWESOME!
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All about Vitamin D

Vitamin D : fat-soluble vitamin, which is actually a hormone. It is the only vitamin that the body will produces on its own.

  • ergocalciferol-D2
  • cholecalciferol-D3
  • alfacalcidol

Some Facts

  • Helps your body absorb calcium and phosphorus. This is vital for strong and healthy bones.
  • A fall in the concentration of calcium in the bloodstream is detected by the parathyroid glands, which then produce parathyroid hormone. Parathyroid hormone increases the activity of the enzyme (catalyst) that produces active vitamin D. This increase in the concentration of calcium together with vitamin D feeds back to the parathyroid glands to stop further parathyroid hormone release. The production of vitamin D is also directly regulated by calcium, phosphate and calcitriol.
  • Naturally occurring in some foods, added to others, and made by the body when UV lights hits the skin.
  • Must be activated by two produces in the body to be utilized. One is done in the liver, the second is done in the kidney. Very nutshell version.
  • Promotes calcium absorption in the gut
  • Helps prevent hypocalcemic tetany (involuntary contraction of muscles, leading to cramps and spasms)
  • Reduction of inflammation
  • Regulation of many processes such as cell growth, neuromuscular, immune function, and glucose metabolism

Huge Benefits

  • Reduces Depression: Research has shown that vitamin D can serve an important role in regulating mood and reducing depression and anxiety. In one study, scientists found that people with depression who received vitamin D supplements noticed an improvement in their symptoms.
  • Helps facilitate weight loss

Some Sources

  • fatty fish (such as trout, sardines, salmon, tuna, and mackerel)
  • Beef liver, cheese, yogurt and egg yolks
  • Mushrooms provide variable amounts of vitamin D2
  • Fortified foods like milk

Vitamin D and Depression

  • Low levels of vitamin D have been associated with decreased cognitive function, specifically in the realm of mental health
  • Researchers behind a 2013 meta-analysis noticed that study participants with depression also had low vitamin D levels.
  • It’s also worth mentioning here that vitamin D is thought to be able to activate the synthesis of serotonin, a neurotransmitter and hormone that, similar to dopamine, can help to improve your mood.

Vitamin D and Hormones (sex)

  • Testosterone : Studies have found that an adequate level of vitamin D is actually pretty important for regulating this crucial sex hormone.

How Being Deficient Might Feel

  • Fatigue, aches and pains
  • A general sense of not feeling well
  • Severe bone or muscular pain or weakness
  • Stress fractures

Food*Micrograms
(mcg) per
serving
International
Units (IU)
per serving
Percent DV*
Cod liver oil, 1 tablespoon34.01,360170
Trout (rainbow), farmed, cooked, 3 ounces16.264581
Salmon (sockeye), cooked, 3 ounces14.257071
Mushrooms, white, raw, sliced, exposed to UV light, ½ cup9.236646
Milk, 2% milkfat, vitamin D fortified, 1 cup2.912015
Soy, almond, and oat milks, vitamin D fortified, various brands, 1 cup2.5-3.6100-14413-18
Ready-to-eat cereal, fortified with 10% of the DV for vitamin D, 1 serving2.08010
Sardines (Atlantic), canned in oil, drained, 2 sardines1.2466
Egg, 1 large, scrambled**1.1446
Liver, beef, braised, 3 ounces1.0425
Tuna fish (light), canned in water, drained, 3 ounces1.0405
Cheese, cheddar, 1 ounce0.3122
Mushrooms, portabella, raw, diced, ½ cup0.141
Chicken breast, roasted, 3 ounces0.141
Beef, ground, 90% lean, broiled, 3 ounces01.70

Optimal serum concentrations of 25(OH)D for bone and general health have not been established because they are likely to vary by stage of life, by race and ethnicity, and with each physiological measure used [1,13,14]. In addition, although 25(OH)D levels rise in response to increased vitamin D intake, the relationship is nonlinear [1]. The amount of increase varies, for example, by baseline serum levels and duration of supplementation. Resource: https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/VitaminD-HealthProfessional/

*Serum concentrations of 25(OH)D are reported in both nanomoles per liter (nmol/L) and nanograms per milliliter (ng/mL). One nmol/L = 0.4 ng/mL, and 1 ng/mL = 2.5 nmol/L.

  • children and teens: 600 IU
  • adults up to age 70: 600 IU
  • adults over age 70: 800 IU
  • pregnant or breastfeeding women: 600 IU


nmol/L*ng/mL*Health status
<30<12Associated with vitamin D deficiency, which can lead to rickets in infants and children and osteomalacia in adults
30 to <5012 to <20Generally considered inadequate for bone and overall health in healthy individuals
≥50≥20Generally considered adequate for bone and overall health in healthy individuals
>125>50Linked to potential adverse effects, particularly at >150 nmol/L (>60 ng/mL)

One comment

  1. Thank you.