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Being Judged for Your Painful Monsters

In the pursuit of healing and working to make peace with my “monsters”, I have experienced many interesting “episodes” of life that have brought a lot of thoughts into my head and heart. They have have helped me to see how I am doing things that maybe others don’t appreciate or aren’t useful for their healing. And how it impacts me in my own pursuit of healing.

Let’s be real. We all have monsters. Those very soft spots that we work to hide and protect. Yet in doing that, they are like gremlins and reek havoc in what we are calling that pursuit of happiness and success. We have been raped. We have been beaten. We have been left. We have been abused. We have seen shit that is awful. We have done things that are awful. We have made such glorious mistakes that we judge ourselves BAD.

Making peace with those monsters is tough shit. And the funniest of all of this I think, we all know it to be true, is that once we open pandora’s box and give it an honest attempt, WORK, to make peace with a monster, that bitch goes sideways and fights back. It gets worse before it gets better. The people around us experience that. We experience that. We are like, what the fuck, why am I doing this … it’s getting harder not better. Those self improvement folks are full of shit. As with any “renovation”, like in a kitchen, it gets awfully messy before you see the beauty start to unfold. Before things are functional. Really fucking messing sometimes. Especially if you grow a pair and decide to really face one of your bigger and scary monsters.

THAT is where (and why) you find your tribe. Those people that have your back. That can stand up when you can’t. That can see you for you and don’t back down and run. That LOVE YOU FOR YOU, not just the good parts that make them feel good.

I sure hope that you have someone(s) around you that are worthy. That they don’t all pussy out. I truly believe that is where suicide and fuck this I’m done comes from. We are pretty good at leaving people in the dark.

JUDGEMENT. LEAVING A MAN BEHIND.

It’s easy to help and support the rape victim that cries a lot. Needs lots of hugs and is soft and cuddly. It is very hard to help and support the person that has been through some major shit and when they go sideways they react with violence or loud. I mean fuck tho, if you were beaten and raped and left to fend for yourself … wouldn’t it make sense to have a strong warrior, I’m gonna cut you mentality. Seriously. Where in the world did we go so wrong in not having common sense about some things. Some of us react in anger, self defense, PUT YOUR DUKES UP. We have let this pansey ass cultural tell us that folks that get angry are … wrong. bad. need medicated. don’t need grace.

I am not saying that violence is right wrong, whatever. I’m saying that it’s something we do when we hurt. And we generally have ZERO grace for that particular type of people that react that way. YES. There is a whole group of folks that feel … not accepted because they get angry and want to throat punch you, instead of crawl in your lap and cry, or eat their way to china or fuck their way to china.

The folks that can throw down and fight. We value it when it’s a police officer saving a little kid from a predator. We don’t value it when it’s a grown as women that has PTSD and a serious trigger about having to protect herself. We don’t value it when it’s a soldier that has been beat down in training so much that what they know, how to be a warrior, goes sideways in the “normal” world.

We are so judgmental about some things. We give little grace to some things. We don’t zoom out and ask, what actually went on for that person. Where are they hurting. We take things HELLA personally.

OH WAIT, thats about me. Not … hey, whats going on in their world.

OR

OH WAIT, if I react like this, it distracts me from what this “episode” is actually saying about where I NEED TO WORK. NOPE. I don’t need to work, it’s only that other person.

Judgement is a BREACH in trust. You are telling them you think they aren’t good enough. You are telling them you don’t accept them.

Not to mention your judgement feeds their own self judgement and criticism. Fuel for the fire. That fire can make someone stronger and heal, or it can burn them to ashes.

We don’t have to go around and coddle all the things people do. Play like it doesn’t need to be addressed and them held accountable to their actions. However, we do need to be very careful in how we react. You can burn bridges. You can break trust. You can be wrong. You can hurt others and push them … away. down.

Do you really want to judge someone and that PUSH THEM DOWN? What if they are just barely making it. What if your lack of compassion, grace and love is the last straw and they say fuck it.

YOU ARE AWESOME!
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All about Vitamin D

Vitamin D : fat-soluble vitamin, which is actually a hormone. It is the only vitamin that the body will produces on its own.

  • ergocalciferol-D2
  • cholecalciferol-D3
  • alfacalcidol

Some Facts

  • Helps your body absorb calcium and phosphorus. This is vital for strong and healthy bones.
  • A fall in the concentration of calcium in the bloodstream is detected by the parathyroid glands, which then produce parathyroid hormone. Parathyroid hormone increases the activity of the enzyme (catalyst) that produces active vitamin D. This increase in the concentration of calcium together with vitamin D feeds back to the parathyroid glands to stop further parathyroid hormone release. The production of vitamin D is also directly regulated by calcium, phosphate and calcitriol.
  • Naturally occurring in some foods, added to others, and made by the body when UV lights hits the skin.
  • Must be activated by two produces in the body to be utilized. One is done in the liver, the second is done in the kidney. Very nutshell version.
  • Promotes calcium absorption in the gut
  • Helps prevent hypocalcemic tetany (involuntary contraction of muscles, leading to cramps and spasms)
  • Reduction of inflammation
  • Regulation of many processes such as cell growth, neuromuscular, immune function, and glucose metabolism

Huge Benefits

  • Reduces Depression: Research has shown that vitamin D can serve an important role in regulating mood and reducing depression and anxiety. In one study, scientists found that people with depression who received vitamin D supplements noticed an improvement in their symptoms.
  • Helps facilitate weight loss

Some Sources

  • fatty fish (such as trout, sardines, salmon, tuna, and mackerel)
  • Beef liver, cheese, yogurt and egg yolks
  • Mushrooms provide variable amounts of vitamin D2
  • Fortified foods like milk

Vitamin D and Depression

  • Low levels of vitamin D have been associated with decreased cognitive function, specifically in the realm of mental health
  • Researchers behind a 2013 meta-analysis noticed that study participants with depression also had low vitamin D levels.
  • It’s also worth mentioning here that vitamin D is thought to be able to activate the synthesis of serotonin, a neurotransmitter and hormone that, similar to dopamine, can help to improve your mood.

Vitamin D and Hormones (sex)

  • Testosterone : Studies have found that an adequate level of vitamin D is actually pretty important for regulating this crucial sex hormone.

How Being Deficient Might Feel

  • Fatigue, aches and pains
  • A general sense of not feeling well
  • Severe bone or muscular pain or weakness
  • Stress fractures

Food*Micrograms
(mcg) per
serving
International
Units (IU)
per serving
Percent DV*
Cod liver oil, 1 tablespoon34.01,360170
Trout (rainbow), farmed, cooked, 3 ounces16.264581
Salmon (sockeye), cooked, 3 ounces14.257071
Mushrooms, white, raw, sliced, exposed to UV light, ½ cup9.236646
Milk, 2% milkfat, vitamin D fortified, 1 cup2.912015
Soy, almond, and oat milks, vitamin D fortified, various brands, 1 cup2.5-3.6100-14413-18
Ready-to-eat cereal, fortified with 10% of the DV for vitamin D, 1 serving2.08010
Sardines (Atlantic), canned in oil, drained, 2 sardines1.2466
Egg, 1 large, scrambled**1.1446
Liver, beef, braised, 3 ounces1.0425
Tuna fish (light), canned in water, drained, 3 ounces1.0405
Cheese, cheddar, 1 ounce0.3122
Mushrooms, portabella, raw, diced, ½ cup0.141
Chicken breast, roasted, 3 ounces0.141
Beef, ground, 90% lean, broiled, 3 ounces01.70

Optimal serum concentrations of 25(OH)D for bone and general health have not been established because they are likely to vary by stage of life, by race and ethnicity, and with each physiological measure used [1,13,14]. In addition, although 25(OH)D levels rise in response to increased vitamin D intake, the relationship is nonlinear [1]. The amount of increase varies, for example, by baseline serum levels and duration of supplementation. Resource: https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/VitaminD-HealthProfessional/

*Serum concentrations of 25(OH)D are reported in both nanomoles per liter (nmol/L) and nanograms per milliliter (ng/mL). One nmol/L = 0.4 ng/mL, and 1 ng/mL = 2.5 nmol/L.

  • children and teens: 600 IU
  • adults up to age 70: 600 IU
  • adults over age 70: 800 IU
  • pregnant or breastfeeding women: 600 IU


nmol/L*ng/mL*Health status
<30<12Associated with vitamin D deficiency, which can lead to rickets in infants and children and osteomalacia in adults
30 to <5012 to <20Generally considered inadequate for bone and overall health in healthy individuals
≥50≥20Generally considered adequate for bone and overall health in healthy individuals
>125>50Linked to potential adverse effects, particularly at >150 nmol/L (>60 ng/mL)