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Shine the Light on Trauma Depression Anxiety and Suicide

Do you struggle with feeling calm, cool and collected?  Do you struggle with anxiety, depression or other mental health aspects?  Are you a veteran or other person that has served your community and country, has dealt with things and now struggle for health and well being?  Have you thought about suicide? 

Retired police / artist Jim Russell and myself, BK, have been in places that are dark and scary.  Lonely.  We have dealt with depression, suicidal thoughts and other mental things that have gotten in our way of feeling ….

Safe. Happy. Content. Well adjusted.

This podcast is about being vulnerable and speaking your truth. Shining light on our soft and weaker spots.  This podcast is about being real with those around you.  Being present.  Giving our time and energy to those around us that need help.

We think about depression, anxiety and suicide thoughts as if someone has a broken leg.  We wouldn’t expect them to walk themselves to the hospital for treatment.  As is with some of the mental health issues, we need to be more proactive and nurturing to those struggling with some of these things.  We need to be present and listen.  We need to give of our time and energy to see, acknowledge and help when needed.  We can’t continue to wait for those that struggle to ask for help.

For those struggling with these topics, we see you, hear you.  This podcast is meant to inspire you to pause and look around.  See the help that in front of you.  Reach for it and don’t let go. 

Keep up the good fight.  You are not alone.

Shownotes

  • (0:10) Introduction to Jim Russell, Retired Police / Artist
  • (1:00) Introduction to the GY6 Rescue
  • (4:00) Goal Orientated Approach to FEEL BETTER, mindful and aware of labels
  • (6:44) As a Deputy Chief being diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder
  • (15:48) Shared diagnosis to boss and received the perfect response
  • (36:57) Cautious with labels as they can take possibilities away
  • (37:35) BK’s swim story, PTSD, miracles and pixie dust
  • (43:18) All neurotic behavior stems from suffering
  • (52:12) How some life/occupational experiences have a big and negative impact on our peace and well being
  • (57:12) PTSD can come from small things, accumulative PTSD, life events
  • (1:01:42) If you feel like something is off, there are people that can help you. Now.  You don’t need a label / diagnosis. 

Jim Russell is a local Tallahassee artist who has been involved in art for most of his life. He began his formal education at FSU in 1988 as a fine arts major, diverting to criminology and spending a 25 year career in law enforcement at Florida State University. Retiring in 2018, Jim has since devoted his time with his first love, painting, and in the last 2 years has completed hundreds of works of art as a working artist. He paints mostly in oil and subject matters include realism, impressionism, and surrealism. He is currently painting a series centering on sea life. Jim is married to Connie Russell with an 12 year old son, Grayson, who is a developing artist himself. Jim advocates for mental health and drunk driving awareness, and he is an avid cyclist. His art can be seen at his Tallahassee gallery and at jimrussellart.com.

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Being Judged for Your Painful Monsters

In the pursuit of healing and working to make peace with my "monsters", I have experienced many interesting "episodes" of life that have brought a lot of thoughts into my head and heart. They have have helped me to see how I am doing things that maybe others don't appreciate or aren't useful for their healing. And how it impacts me in my own pursuit of healing.

Let's be real. We all have monsters. Those very soft spots that we work to hide and protect. Yet in doing that, they are like gremlins and reek havoc in what we are calling that pursuit of happiness and success. We have been raped. We have been beaten. We have been left. We have been abused. We have seen shit that is awful. We have done things that are awful. We have made such glorious mistakes that we judge ourselves BAD.

Making peace with those monsters is tough shit. And the funniest of all of this I think, we all know it to be true, is that once we open pandora's box and give it an honest attempt, WORK, to make peace with a monster, that bitch goes sideways and fights back. It gets worse before it gets better. The people around us experience that. We experience that. We are like, what the fuck, why am I doing this ... it's getting harder not better. Those self improvement folks are full of shit. As with any "renovation", like in a kitchen, it gets awfully messy before you see the beauty start to unfold. Before things are functional. Really fucking messing sometimes. Especially if you grow a pair and decide to really face one of your bigger and scary monsters.

THAT is where (and why) you find your tribe. Those people that have your back. That can stand up when you can't. That can see you for you and don't back down and run. That LOVE YOU FOR YOU, not just the good parts that make them feel good.

I sure hope that you have someone(s) around you that are worthy. That they don't all pussy out. I truly believe that is where suicide and fuck this I'm done comes from. We are pretty good at leaving people in the dark.

JUDGEMENT. LEAVING A MAN BEHIND.

It's easy to help and support the rape victim that cries a lot. Needs lots of hugs and is soft and cuddly. It is very hard to help and support the person that has been through some major shit and when they go sideways they react with violence or loud. I mean fuck tho, if you were beaten and raped and left to fend for yourself ... wouldn't it make sense to have a strong warrior, I'm gonna cut you mentality. Seriously. Where in the world did we go so wrong in not having common sense about some things. Some of us react in anger, self defense, PUT YOUR DUKES UP. We have let this pansey ass cultural tell us that folks that get angry are ... wrong. bad. need medicated. don't need grace.

I am not saying that violence is right wrong, whatever. I'm saying that it's something we do when we hurt. And we generally have ZERO grace for that particular type of people that react that way. YES. There is a whole group of folks that feel ... not accepted because they get angry and want to throat punch you, instead of crawl in your lap and cry, or eat their way to china or fuck their way to china.

The folks that can throw down and fight. We value it when it's a police officer saving a little kid from a predator. We don't value it when it's a grown as women that has PTSD and a serious trigger about having to protect herself. We don't value it when it's a soldier that has been beat down in training so much that what they know, how to be a warrior, goes sideways in the "normal" world.

We are so judgmental about some things. We give little grace to some things. We don't zoom out and ask, what actually went on for that person. Where are they hurting. We take things HELLA personally.

OH WAIT, thats about me. Not ... hey, whats going on in their world.

OR

OH WAIT, if I react like this, it distracts me from what this "episode" is actually saying about where I NEED TO WORK. NOPE. I don't need to work, it's only that other person.

Judgement is a BREACH in trust. You are telling them you think they aren't good enough. You are telling them you don't accept them.

Not to mention your judgement feeds their own self judgement and criticism. Fuel for the fire. That fire can make someone stronger and heal, or it can burn them to ashes.

We don't have to go around and coddle all the things people do. Play like it doesn't need to be addressed and them held accountable to their actions. However, we do need to be very careful in how we react. You can burn bridges. You can break trust. You can be wrong. You can hurt others and push them ... away. down.

Do you really want to judge someone and that PUSH THEM DOWN? What if they are just barely making it. What if your lack of compassion, grace and love is the last straw and they say fuck it.

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