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Not Just doing …. BECOMING

We DO diets. We DO New Year’s Resolutions. We DO training. We DO the things that get us to the goal. We DO “be nice and say our prayers”. We try this and we try that. We DO a lot of things.

But what ARE we? What are we BEING when we are DOING all of this DO?

Is there some spot on the map, “DESTINATION”, that we are trying to get to by all this doing?

Am I a crazy stressed out person playing “calm” when I swim or when I attempt to parent my children.

Or am I moving towards BECOMING CALM.

Am I shedding the layers that manifest the crazy stressed out. Am I CALM already, deep inside? Is CALM something I have to learn, or relearn, then BECOME?

The getting to this place called DESTINATION?

Do we throw the map away? Is the spot not the point? Is it about the ability to morph? Go through constant metamorphosis. Always changing. Always becoming. Always ALREADY being at the DESTINATION?

Changing. Really changing. Not just faking it, not sort of lying to ourselves, or playing a part. Really changing. Letting go of ourselves, having faith that the next stage will be more beautiful.

Must be scary for the caterpillar to go into his sack for a bit, sightless. And what an awe; wouldn’t it be cool to experience what the butterfly must experience emerging new. Transformed. ABLE TO FLY. The world to look so different.

Having BECOME something different. To grace the world with beauty.

For real world application. Do you practice yoga and when the series is done, step up to the top of the mat and let everything hang out waiting for the next instruction? Do you slouch in the grocery store aisle? Are you calm with those you want to impress and yell at your children or spouse? Do you give grace to others when they make a mistake, but not to yourself when you do?

Are you DOING? Are you BECOMING?


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Abandonment and a Journey Up the Mountain

Yesterday I felt driven, required, inspired to drive a pitfall that had been abandoned to a foster family many hours away.  I have always had this special place in my heart for things that needed rescued.  

A bit of back story, I signed up for a 70.3 in Des Moines, Iowa to inspire, force, drive myself to finish up some work that I have been  doing in the area of inner child healing, letting go, truly moving on.  We can talk about that later.

I let my mind explore why I was driven to help these dogs and I wanted to share with others the work that I viewed as difficult and life changing.  Using the service of helping dogs, which seems to be easier work than driving to a therapist weakly, to heal the heart.  After all, isn’t that what God tells us to do and perhaps why. Heal our souls through the work of helping other.  Being humble and practicing humanity.

Though a lot of thought that was mostly given to me, as during the trip I had decided to be super receptive to whatever thoughts and feelings were coming, and sharing back to the universe ... it was a very raw real and from the heart process.  Which I feel gifted me with the next awesome step in my evolution to healing my soul and becoming the next best version of myself.  

Yes.  I had forgiven my parents for all the things.  However, it was very clear that I had not really dealt with my abandonment issues.  Which at the VERY present time are really causing some other issues in areas of my life that were causing my grief and suffering. 

I did some following of my heart.  It makes me smile to see how the hours and days have progress.  Who I have reached out too. What they have said. And how through all of this, I found my next work.  

I like work.  I like to know that if I see a problem, I have some means of working on it.  It makes me feel incredibly powerless, stressed and all sorts of anxious feelings to know that something is wrong, really wrong, and I can’t get a handle on it.  I’m thankful that God told me.  Amazing.

Discovering that I really need to work on my fear of abandonment, which is causing some real in your face anxiety, is so empowering that I’m pretty darn pumped.  To know the issue means that I can find a solution.  The first link that I read was such an eye opening that it has instantly changed how I feel about myself and all the things I’m working on at the moment.  I feel in control again, empowered and that I can find a solution.  I do not feel lost anymore.    


Then I continued with searching and found some articles and resources and ended up finding a program, a series of books with some online resources to start with.  I feel great. Hopeful.

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