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Exploring a Personal Upgrade

I am a super sentimental person.  Like over the top.  Scrapbooks.  Pictures.  OMG. The pictures.  I have 28,000 on my phone, not really organized or backed up well.  

When I was a child, my parents/mom did none of that.  I have virtually no pictures of myself as a kid. My mom didn’t show up at my soccer games and take pictures.  She didn’t bug me about holding still to catch the smile and such.  She wasn’t that kind of person.  I guess thats ok.  

Though let’s be real. It stings a SHIT TON because she loves loves loves to take pictures of flowers and things and that. And her cat.  I mean, that was recently, I couldn’t say that about her during my younger years.  I really don’t remember that about her. She went to school, worked and such.

I am sentimental.  I think a decent portion of that comes from my past, not having real great memories and having just about nothing of my childhood.  Like I didn’t exist.  

WOW. There is a truth right there.  Like this 2000 piece puzzle that D and I worked on. I really loved the experience.  We grew as a couple a bit.  We enjoyed each other a bit.  There was a lot of thoughts that I entertained during.  The kids helped.  Just good stuff.  So … when it was finished, I saw a cool puzzle.  But I also saw a glowing thing of love and family.  Of something that I want a lot more of.

LOL.  Kind of like my AWFUL looking bike shoes.  They have gotten me through all my triathloning so far.  3 ironman.  A lot of blood guts and tears.  And yeah, a couple of times they might have smelled like urine.  A couple of relationships.  Some amazing times.  Some horrible times.  So I see them now, with new shoes that are just fine, training for ironman #4 (corona style, meaning a self ran ironman due to the world shutting down to survive), and I don’t want to throw them away.  D had fixed one of them when we first starting out out.  I mean seriously!!!! Some new dude was messing with my STINKY bike shoes, fixing them so they didn’t hurt my feet.  I want to dip them in that plating stuff like you do the baby’s first shoes and hang on the wall. LOL.  I’m silly.

Back to the puzzle, I didn’t want to take it apart.  I wanted to glue it together. Memorialize it.  Hang it up.  To store the juju, love and magic.  Cling to the hope that during difficult times in our house, that it will continue.  (I struggle with fear of abandonment issues, thanks mom and dad).   

I’m doing this relationship school program which is really helping me to open my eyes to how some of my behaviors make it claustrophobic for others.  Make it compressing.  I feel like this thing I wanted to do with the puzzle was more that than loving and honest being a sappy sap.  I wanted to grasp on to something in the hopes that it will stay forever.  

Thats the heart of a child that has been abused, starved, victimized and abandoned.  Those monsters, I’m working to get to know, tame and learn to be friends with.  Maybe help them be less monster like.  You know, like the Gremlins.  They didn’t eat over midnight.  They returned back to cute and cuddly.

I let the puzzle sit for a good bit. To try and figure out what I was going to do with it.  I was having a hard moment related to teenagers and the struggles there, was in a pissy mood … D said, don’t take it apart.  I was on the verge at that moment of just throwing the whole thing away, I’m that frustrated with the teenager/ex husband situation.  His kind words, direction, calmed me down in that moment and I walked away from it.  

I came back the next day and decided that I was going to do something different.  He doesn’t view stuff like I do.  He’s not even remotely as sentimental as I am.  Though it did mean good stuff for him.  And we live in a tiny house.  Hoarding all the good juju stuff just isn’t possible.

It really came down to the biggest reason why I wanted to keep it. Store love.  And grasp things so they don’t change.  So I thought.  I can keep the puzzle. Maybe we do it again. I have another puzzle.  Love isn’t something that just stays in a puzzle.  It’s stored in the kitchen table that it was on. In the location.  In the act.  In our home that we are working hard to build and protect.  

So … as we begin to work on another puzzle, that love is there.   As is well. 

YOU ARE AWESOME!
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How “obstacles” leads to Resilience

What if I told you that "obstacles and how you handle them leads to RESILIENCE? 💥💯👊🏻

What are "obstacles". Things that get in the way. Duh. Coach BK. For example, my spouse isn't supportive, my job is too hectic, I focus on my kids too much, I don't make my workouts a priority, I don't make me a priority. I self sabatage. I don't play very well. I procrastinate because I don't really want to work hard. I procrastinate because I don't want to catch up on all that I lost. I just don't want to. I am tired. I didn't sleep well. I can't get to the gym.

Are there two different kinds of obstacles. Excuses and legitimate things that get in the way that we really didn't create ourselves.

EXCUSES and BS stuff ... like not planning and packing our things when we watched 3 episodes of the 100.

LEGIT things .... like the weather and the pool schedule. Or our spouse not helping when I'm doing my part.

If you want to hit the EXCUSES and BS HEAD ON, continue to read on.

  • Look at it. Write it down. And ask yourself. WHY. Why didn't I do that. And don't take "I don't know" for an answer. Ask enough and strong enough until you get a heart felt answer. That might come with a long sigh, tear, a curse word or head down kind of reaction. Truth.
  • Write that down. Without negative words or thoughts. Just write it down.
  • Then look at it in a loving and honest way, like you were trying to figure out why the faucet leaked, very objective without a lot of emotions. Problem solve why. Without judgement. "My job is really stressful and how I'm responding to the stress is stealing all my energy." "The lack of support from my spouse makes me sad and causes me to throw a mild pity party." "I have too much on my plate and I just don't have the energy." "I have too much on my plate and I'm making a big deal out of it all and thats taking up too much of my energy." "I am not good enough to prioritize to put me first, if I'm not important, why would I come first, or 2nd or ..."

The LEGIT obstacles you have to be creative and kinda reasonable.

For this group of obstacles, health conditions, logistically things, injuries, adulting duties ... you have to figure out how bad to you want your goal. Is the juice worth the squeeze and if there is a way to adjust fire. For example, can I do swim strength workouts instead of swimming in a pool because the pool schedule is really unreasonable and gets in the way of family time.

ON THE DAILY : WHAT TO DO

  1. Awareness is key. KING.
  2. Writing it down somehow is QUEEN.
  3. Being honest and kind. Objective and real.
  4. Breath into it, work to take a moment, get calm and aligned with your purpose and power words if you have them
  5. Write out WHY. Ask until you get TRUTH
  6. Be kind and objective and see about adjusting fire.
  7. Work to write a different story. If it's a EXCUSE/BS thing that is getting in the way, write out what the ROCKSTAR version of you would do and how it would feel. Write a new store. OWN IT. Practice it.
  8. If you get stuck, share with someone else THAT HAS SIMILAR GOALS OR ROLLS LIKE YOU DO OR WANT TO (clears her throat, share with your coach)
  9. Get creative and try other things if it's a LEGIT, you don't have a lot of control over the obstacle. Like jobs/bosses/spouses/kids.
  10. Explore. Repeat if it works. If it doesn't try again. And then explore how to adjust a bit and try again. Do not quit.
  11. Be Patient. Let the written words sit for a day if it doesn't come together all at once. Let your heart and soul solve some of it. Impatience can push us out of this magic.

THIS LEADS TO RESILIENCE

https://youtu.be/2wzz8wOuxwk

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