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Ducks that heal lies

When we get abandoned as a child, or heck, not have the basics from the beginning … shit can end up being really hard at 45.

As a baby, we learn and thrive in acceptance from our parents. They smile when we smile. We coo when they coo. It’s part of human development. The human baby is so immature when it’s born. Darwin. So we aren’t prepared at all for anything. We are freaking smart as a species but oh so fragile.

So it’s one thing to not have enough. The basics. Food. Water. Safety. Smiles. Hugs. I love yous. Family. Toys. Laughs. Our inner self is there, perfect and whole, yet gets covered with how we manage to provide for ourselves. How we mold ourselves into a human that can survive physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually in this world.

For me. I love stuffed animals. That’s really the only toy I remember having besides some GI Joes I threw into an aquarium. This stuffed alligator. He had these cool teeth that were plastic and kind of fun. He lived in the 2nd drawer of my dresser. So today I have Ganesh. The blue eyed elephant. He goes with me everywhere. Even Julie knows to leave him along. Interesting how we … fill our needs.

On a different note, the feelings and emotions of being abandoned are intense. They are very intertwined with the basic needs of being loved and accepted. Feeling safe. Being left behind can bring with it self-doubt, self-judgement and That stupid and oh so destructive belief (lie)

“I am not enough”

“I am not good enough”

“I don’t deserve”

I’m an engineer and a tri coach, not a therapist with all the smart brainiac words. You get the meaning, and if you’ve experienced a parent leaving or a spouse or or or …. you know what I’m talking about. Our brains do this crazy thing of trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense. A parent leaving a child. That is not what is suppose to happen, there needs to be some sort of reason right?!

Zip forward a couple of years, 10 years, 20 years … and look where we find all the pieces of ourselves. Flavored by so many lies and bullshit beliefs what the inner self can’t seem to get in a word edgewise.

Oh the things that one puts up with, does not adult well … because of these beliefs (lies).

I’m not blaming anyone. Shit happens. People make mistakes. (I do not buy into “the person was doing the best they could at the time”. I find this a big fat f’in copout. Sometimes people puss out and take the easy way out. Sorry. Not sorry).

It’s unfortunate that our “health care” (“human being care”) system (or lack of one) doesn’t deal with this part well. Lives and careers, families and suicides … all flavored by this. Big fat stupid important stuff and we are doing a shitting job at healing our hearts. I have PLETHORA to say about this but I get off track.

So at 30 or 35 or 40 something, or sooner if you’re lucky, you become aware that … you are so much more. And hopefully you get a tiny taste of the possibility of turning inward, that you ARE NOT actually those beliefs.

YOU ARE AWESOME

and maybe

YOU ARE A BADASS

You know what’s the most BADASS. A mom and dad creating a human being and rocking that sh$t out. Shepherding a tiny human being into being a brilliant and loving human adult. THAT is BA. I had the privilege teaching two littles how to read. That’s BA. Again. I digress. Back to the point. You get a breath of the truth, just one is all you need … YOU ARE A BADASS.

So you get to work on healing the heart. And it’s tough stuff. You might meditate to get control of the emotion terrets. You might even think for a moment that you need to stop saying the f word. You might think you really need to change who you are.

And then you hopefully get to the point where you know that, yes, shit might have been F$CKTASTIC but there is no point in blaming others anymore. You can forgive. I don’t think forgetting is necessary as you ARE suppose to be wiser and that doesn’t mean sitting your head in the sand. It means learning and not repeating the mistakes over and over. EVOLVING. If you forgive, the forgetting part really doesn’t matter, as you aren’t hanging that victim bullshit on it. It’s just another artful paint stroke of the YOU canvas. You don’t have to forget to get back to whole and healed.

YOU ARE ALREADY WHOLE

You just need to drop some of what you picked up to help you get through the bad patch.

You become strong enough to be open and love like you were created to do. People leaving and doing hurtful things IS NOT about you. It’s about them. Their lessons. You have your own. Be wise to know the difference.

I left my duck friends in the care of the earth. As it should be. They will return to nurture the earth, trees and other animals. As it should be. I leave thoughts of my alligator there as well, placing more of my heart in Faith and belief that I’m just completely fucking (autocorrected to ducking) FINE.

Because maybe this nagging lie that I’m broken is total bullshit. #nmf

YOU ARE AWESOME!
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How “obstacles” leads to Resilience

What if I told you that "obstacles and how you handle them leads to RESILIENCE? 💥💯👊🏻

What are "obstacles". Things that get in the way. Duh. Coach BK. For example, my spouse isn't supportive, my job is too hectic, I focus on my kids too much, I don't make my workouts a priority, I don't make me a priority. I self sabatage. I don't play very well. I procrastinate because I don't really want to work hard. I procrastinate because I don't want to catch up on all that I lost. I just don't want to. I am tired. I didn't sleep well. I can't get to the gym.

Are there two different kinds of obstacles. Excuses and legitimate things that get in the way that we really didn't create ourselves.

EXCUSES and BS stuff ... like not planning and packing our things when we watched 3 episodes of the 100.

LEGIT things .... like the weather and the pool schedule. Or our spouse not helping when I'm doing my part.

If you want to hit the EXCUSES and BS HEAD ON, continue to read on.

  • Look at it. Write it down. And ask yourself. WHY. Why didn't I do that. And don't take "I don't know" for an answer. Ask enough and strong enough until you get a heart felt answer. That might come with a long sigh, tear, a curse word or head down kind of reaction. Truth.
  • Write that down. Without negative words or thoughts. Just write it down.
  • Then look at it in a loving and honest way, like you were trying to figure out why the faucet leaked, very objective without a lot of emotions. Problem solve why. Without judgement. "My job is really stressful and how I'm responding to the stress is stealing all my energy." "The lack of support from my spouse makes me sad and causes me to throw a mild pity party." "I have too much on my plate and I just don't have the energy." "I have too much on my plate and I'm making a big deal out of it all and thats taking up too much of my energy." "I am not good enough to prioritize to put me first, if I'm not important, why would I come first, or 2nd or ..."

The LEGIT obstacles you have to be creative and kinda reasonable.

For this group of obstacles, health conditions, logistically things, injuries, adulting duties ... you have to figure out how bad to you want your goal. Is the juice worth the squeeze and if there is a way to adjust fire. For example, can I do swim strength workouts instead of swimming in a pool because the pool schedule is really unreasonable and gets in the way of family time.

ON THE DAILY : WHAT TO DO

  1. Awareness is key. KING.
  2. Writing it down somehow is QUEEN.
  3. Being honest and kind. Objective and real.
  4. Breath into it, work to take a moment, get calm and aligned with your purpose and power words if you have them
  5. Write out WHY. Ask until you get TRUTH
  6. Be kind and objective and see about adjusting fire.
  7. Work to write a different story. If it's a EXCUSE/BS thing that is getting in the way, write out what the ROCKSTAR version of you would do and how it would feel. Write a new store. OWN IT. Practice it.
  8. If you get stuck, share with someone else THAT HAS SIMILAR GOALS OR ROLLS LIKE YOU DO OR WANT TO (clears her throat, share with your coach)
  9. Get creative and try other things if it's a LEGIT, you don't have a lot of control over the obstacle. Like jobs/bosses/spouses/kids.
  10. Explore. Repeat if it works. If it doesn't try again. And then explore how to adjust a bit and try again. Do not quit.
  11. Be Patient. Let the written words sit for a day if it doesn't come together all at once. Let your heart and soul solve some of it. Impatience can push us out of this magic.

THIS LEADS TO RESILIENCE

https://youtu.be/2wzz8wOuxwk

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