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Being Judged for Your Painful Monsters

In the pursuit of healing and working to make peace with my “monsters”, I have experienced many interesting “episodes” of life that have brought a lot of thoughts into my head and heart. They have have helped me to see how I am doing things that maybe others don’t appreciate or aren’t useful for their healing. And how it impacts me in my own pursuit of healing.

Let’s be real. We all have monsters. Those very soft spots that we work to hide and protect. Yet in doing that, they are like gremlins and reek havoc in what we are calling that pursuit of happiness and success. We have been raped. We have been beaten. We have been left. We have been abused. We have seen shit that is awful. We have done things that are awful. We have made such glorious mistakes that we judge ourselves BAD.

Making peace with those monsters is tough shit. And the funniest of all of this I think, we all know it to be true, is that once we open pandora’s box and give it an honest attempt, WORK, to make peace with a monster, that bitch goes sideways and fights back. It gets worse before it gets better. The people around us experience that. We experience that. We are like, what the fuck, why am I doing this … it’s getting harder not better. Those self improvement folks are full of shit. As with any “renovation”, like in a kitchen, it gets awfully messy before you see the beauty start to unfold. Before things are functional. Really fucking messing sometimes. Especially if you grow a pair and decide to really face one of your bigger and scary monsters.

THAT is where (and why) you find your tribe. Those people that have your back. That can stand up when you can’t. That can see you for you and don’t back down and run. That LOVE YOU FOR YOU, not just the good parts that make them feel good.

I sure hope that you have someone(s) around you that are worthy. That they don’t all pussy out. I truly believe that is where suicide and fuck this I’m done comes from. We are pretty good at leaving people in the dark.

JUDGEMENT. LEAVING A MAN BEHIND.

It’s easy to help and support the rape victim that cries a lot. Needs lots of hugs and is soft and cuddly. It is very hard to help and support the person that has been through some major shit and when they go sideways they react with violence or loud. I mean fuck tho, if you were beaten and raped and left to fend for yourself … wouldn’t it make sense to have a strong warrior, I’m gonna cut you mentality. Seriously. Where in the world did we go so wrong in not having common sense about some things. Some of us react in anger, self defense, PUT YOUR DUKES UP. We have let this pansey ass cultural tell us that folks that get angry are … wrong. bad. need medicated. don’t need grace.

I am not saying that violence is right wrong, whatever. I’m saying that it’s something we do when we hurt. And we generally have ZERO grace for that particular type of people that react that way. YES. There is a whole group of folks that feel … not accepted because they get angry and want to throat punch you, instead of crawl in your lap and cry, or eat their way to china or fuck their way to china.

The folks that can throw down and fight. We value it when it’s a police officer saving a little kid from a predator. We don’t value it when it’s a grown as women that has PTSD and a serious trigger about having to protect herself. We don’t value it when it’s a soldier that has been beat down in training so much that what they know, how to be a warrior, goes sideways in the “normal” world.

We are so judgmental about some things. We give little grace to some things. We don’t zoom out and ask, what actually went on for that person. Where are they hurting. We take things HELLA personally.

OH WAIT, thats about me. Not … hey, whats going on in their world.

OR

OH WAIT, if I react like this, it distracts me from what this “episode” is actually saying about where I NEED TO WORK. NOPE. I don’t need to work, it’s only that other person.

Judgement is a BREACH in trust. You are telling them you think they aren’t good enough. You are telling them you don’t accept them.

Not to mention your judgement feeds their own self judgement and criticism. Fuel for the fire. That fire can make someone stronger and heal, or it can burn them to ashes.

We don’t have to go around and coddle all the things people do. Play like it doesn’t need to be addressed and them held accountable to their actions. However, we do need to be very careful in how we react. You can burn bridges. You can break trust. You can be wrong. You can hurt others and push them … away. down.

Do you really want to judge someone and that PUSH THEM DOWN? What if they are just barely making it. What if your lack of compassion, grace and love is the last straw and they say fuck it.

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Vital Benefits of Alternate Nostril Breathing

BE CALM & BE STRONG

Alternate nostril breathing is a yogic breath control practice. In Sanskrit, it’s known as nadi shodhana pranayama. This translates as “subtle energy clearing breathing technique.”
This type of breath work can be done as part of a yoga or meditation practice. Alternate nostril breathing can also be done as its own practice to help you quiet and still your mind.

BENEFITS - the quick list
Alternate nostril breathing may help to:

  • Balance the body energetically
  • Relax your body and mind
  • Reduce anxiety
  • Heal from stress
  • Promote overall well-being

BENEFITS - the SUPER cool stuff

  • It improves attention and fine-motor coordination/performance.
  • It activates the parasympathetic nervous system and reduces blood pressure.
  • Lowers stress and improves cardiovascular functionOne of the main benefits of alternate nostril breathing is that it may lower stress. A 2013 study found that people who practiced alternate nostril breathing lowered their perceived stress levels.
  • Improves lung function and respiratory enduranceYogic breathing practices may improve lung function and respiratory endurance. A small 2017 study examined the effects of pranayama practice on the lung functions of competitive swimmers and found that it had a positive effect on respiratory endurance.  Improved respiratory endurance may also improve athletic performance.  The swimmers in the study did alternate nostril breathing in addition to two other breathing practices for 30 minutes, five days a week for one month. Larger, more in-depth studies are needed to expand upon these findings.
  • Lowers heart rateLowering your heart rate can help to promote cardiovascular health. According to a 2006 study, engaging in a slow yogic breath such as alternative nostril breathing may significantly decrease heart rate and average breathing rhythm.
    Alternate nostril breathing may be a useful method to help you lower your heart rate in the moment, too.
  • Promotes well-beingAlternate nostril breathing may enhance overall health and well-being. It has also been shown to have a positive effect on mental health by reducing stress and anxiety.​
https://youtu.be/kDidlMoDv0o

How To Do It
Focus on keeping your breath slow, smooth, and continuous. Focusing on your breath will help you to remember where you are in the cycle. You should be able to breathe easily throughout the practice.
To practice alternate nostril breathing:

  • Sit in a comfortable position with your legs crossed.
  • Place your left hand on your left knee.
  • Lift your right hand up toward your nose.
  • Exhale completely and then use your right thumb to close your right nostril.
  • Inhale through your left nostril and then close the left nostril with your fingers.
  • Open the right nostril and exhale through this side.
  • Inhale through the right nostril and then close this nostril.
  • Open the left nostril and exhale through the left side.
  • This is one cycle.
  • Continue for up to 5 minutes.
  • Always complete the practice by finishing with an exhale on the left side.

Useful and Research Links
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5660749/
https://www.calmwithyoga.com/increase-vital-energy-alternate-nostril-breathing/
https://theyogaspace.co.uk/blog/PostId/261/yogis-ahead-of-science-one-nostril-breathing-determines-how-you-feel

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