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Being Judged for Your Painful Monsters

In the pursuit of healing and working to make peace with my “monsters”, I have experienced many interesting “episodes” of life that have brought a lot of thoughts into my head and heart. They have have helped me to see how I am doing things that maybe others don’t appreciate or aren’t useful for their healing. And how it impacts me in my own pursuit of healing.

Let’s be real. We all have monsters. Those very soft spots that we work to hide and protect. Yet in doing that, they are like gremlins and reek havoc in what we are calling that pursuit of happiness and success. We have been raped. We have been beaten. We have been left. We have been abused. We have seen shit that is awful. We have done things that are awful. We have made such glorious mistakes that we judge ourselves BAD.

Making peace with those monsters is tough shit. And the funniest of all of this I think, we all know it to be true, is that once we open pandora’s box and give it an honest attempt, WORK, to make peace with a monster, that bitch goes sideways and fights back. It gets worse before it gets better. The people around us experience that. We experience that. We are like, what the fuck, why am I doing this … it’s getting harder not better. Those self improvement folks are full of shit. As with any “renovation”, like in a kitchen, it gets awfully messy before you see the beauty start to unfold. Before things are functional. Really fucking messing sometimes. Especially if you grow a pair and decide to really face one of your bigger and scary monsters.

THAT is where (and why) you find your tribe. Those people that have your back. That can stand up when you can’t. That can see you for you and don’t back down and run. That LOVE YOU FOR YOU, not just the good parts that make them feel good.

I sure hope that you have someone(s) around you that are worthy. That they don’t all pussy out. I truly believe that is where suicide and fuck this I’m done comes from. We are pretty good at leaving people in the dark.

JUDGEMENT. LEAVING A MAN BEHIND.

It’s easy to help and support the rape victim that cries a lot. Needs lots of hugs and is soft and cuddly. It is very hard to help and support the person that has been through some major shit and when they go sideways they react with violence or loud. I mean fuck tho, if you were beaten and raped and left to fend for yourself … wouldn’t it make sense to have a strong warrior, I’m gonna cut you mentality. Seriously. Where in the world did we go so wrong in not having common sense about some things. Some of us react in anger, self defense, PUT YOUR DUKES UP. We have let this pansey ass cultural tell us that folks that get angry are … wrong. bad. need medicated. don’t need grace.

I am not saying that violence is right wrong, whatever. I’m saying that it’s something we do when we hurt. And we generally have ZERO grace for that particular type of people that react that way. YES. There is a whole group of folks that feel … not accepted because they get angry and want to throat punch you, instead of crawl in your lap and cry, or eat their way to china or fuck their way to china.

The folks that can throw down and fight. We value it when it’s a police officer saving a little kid from a predator. We don’t value it when it’s a grown as women that has PTSD and a serious trigger about having to protect herself. We don’t value it when it’s a soldier that has been beat down in training so much that what they know, how to be a warrior, goes sideways in the “normal” world.

We are so judgmental about some things. We give little grace to some things. We don’t zoom out and ask, what actually went on for that person. Where are they hurting. We take things HELLA personally.

OH WAIT, thats about me. Not … hey, whats going on in their world.

OR

OH WAIT, if I react like this, it distracts me from what this “episode” is actually saying about where I NEED TO WORK. NOPE. I don’t need to work, it’s only that other person.

Judgement is a BREACH in trust. You are telling them you think they aren’t good enough. You are telling them you don’t accept them.

Not to mention your judgement feeds their own self judgement and criticism. Fuel for the fire. That fire can make someone stronger and heal, or it can burn them to ashes.

We don’t have to go around and coddle all the things people do. Play like it doesn’t need to be addressed and them held accountable to their actions. However, we do need to be very careful in how we react. You can burn bridges. You can break trust. You can be wrong. You can hurt others and push them … away. down.

Do you really want to judge someone and that PUSH THEM DOWN? What if they are just barely making it. What if your lack of compassion, grace and love is the last straw and they say fuck it.

YOU ARE AWESOME!
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How “obstacles” leads to Resilience

What if I told you that "obstacles and how you handle them leads to RESILIENCE? 💥💯👊🏻

What are "obstacles". Things that get in the way. Duh. Coach BK. For example, my spouse isn't supportive, my job is too hectic, I focus on my kids too much, I don't make my workouts a priority, I don't make me a priority. I self sabatage. I don't play very well. I procrastinate because I don't really want to work hard. I procrastinate because I don't want to catch up on all that I lost. I just don't want to. I am tired. I didn't sleep well. I can't get to the gym.

Are there two different kinds of obstacles. Excuses and legitimate things that get in the way that we really didn't create ourselves.

EXCUSES and BS stuff ... like not planning and packing our things when we watched 3 episodes of the 100.

LEGIT things .... like the weather and the pool schedule. Or our spouse not helping when I'm doing my part.

If you want to hit the EXCUSES and BS HEAD ON, continue to read on.

  • Look at it. Write it down. And ask yourself. WHY. Why didn't I do that. And don't take "I don't know" for an answer. Ask enough and strong enough until you get a heart felt answer. That might come with a long sigh, tear, a curse word or head down kind of reaction. Truth.
  • Write that down. Without negative words or thoughts. Just write it down.
  • Then look at it in a loving and honest way, like you were trying to figure out why the faucet leaked, very objective without a lot of emotions. Problem solve why. Without judgement. "My job is really stressful and how I'm responding to the stress is stealing all my energy." "The lack of support from my spouse makes me sad and causes me to throw a mild pity party." "I have too much on my plate and I just don't have the energy." "I have too much on my plate and I'm making a big deal out of it all and thats taking up too much of my energy." "I am not good enough to prioritize to put me first, if I'm not important, why would I come first, or 2nd or ..."

The LEGIT obstacles you have to be creative and kinda reasonable.

For this group of obstacles, health conditions, logistically things, injuries, adulting duties ... you have to figure out how bad to you want your goal. Is the juice worth the squeeze and if there is a way to adjust fire. For example, can I do swim strength workouts instead of swimming in a pool because the pool schedule is really unreasonable and gets in the way of family time.

ON THE DAILY : WHAT TO DO

  1. Awareness is key. KING.
  2. Writing it down somehow is QUEEN.
  3. Being honest and kind. Objective and real.
  4. Breath into it, work to take a moment, get calm and aligned with your purpose and power words if you have them
  5. Write out WHY. Ask until you get TRUTH
  6. Be kind and objective and see about adjusting fire.
  7. Work to write a different story. If it's a EXCUSE/BS thing that is getting in the way, write out what the ROCKSTAR version of you would do and how it would feel. Write a new store. OWN IT. Practice it.
  8. If you get stuck, share with someone else THAT HAS SIMILAR GOALS OR ROLLS LIKE YOU DO OR WANT TO (clears her throat, share with your coach)
  9. Get creative and try other things if it's a LEGIT, you don't have a lot of control over the obstacle. Like jobs/bosses/spouses/kids.
  10. Explore. Repeat if it works. If it doesn't try again. And then explore how to adjust a bit and try again. Do not quit.
  11. Be Patient. Let the written words sit for a day if it doesn't come together all at once. Let your heart and soul solve some of it. Impatience can push us out of this magic.

THIS LEADS TO RESILIENCE

https://youtu.be/2wzz8wOuxwk

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